Confidence Log
Although i have fully recovered from my eating disorder in 2022, i still had some days where i felt not as confident as i usually feel. I use this place as a personal diary to reflect on how i feel on those days and what i do to feel better, So that it can possibly be an inspiration for others who may be struggling, or have struggled with body image issues. Although the days I feel "off" about myself and by body is getting rarer as time passes by, it still happens, as it does to literally anyone.
January 14, 2022
I wore a sweater that used to feel big on me. It didn’t today. I noticed the thought immediately: Have I gained weight? That old voice came back for a second, soft but sharp.
So I walked Oliver. I listened to a podcast about neuroplasticity. I reminded myself that bodies fluctuate and clothes stretch and shrink and that this isn’t a crisis.
I went to sleep okay.
June 6, 2022
Saw a photo of myself I didn’t like. My instinct was to delete it. Instead, I left it there. I tried to focus on what I was doing in the picture (smiling, relaxed, with people I love) rather than what my arms looked like.
It helped to zoom out—literally and emotionally.
December 4, 2022
Woke up bloated. Didn’t want to wear the jeans I had planned.
I wore sweatpants. I brought my confidence to school through my voice instead. Spoke up in class. Helped a friend with Spnaish. Forgot about my body for a few hours. That felt like a win.
March 5, 2023
Went shopping with my mom today. Fitting room lighting is evil. I felt off in everything.
I gave myself 15 minutes to feel annoyed, then walked out and bought the one pair of jeans that actually felt like me.
Not the smallest. Not the trendiest. But mine.
October 3, 2023
I looked in the mirror too long this morning. Bad move.
I decided to do one confident thing before school; sent an email asking to lead a project I’ve been scared to pitch. My teacher said yes. Confidence doesn’t have to come from the mirror.
January 12, 2024
Post Winter Break brain: “You ate too much. You look different.”
Reality: I spent time with my family and made food with my hands. I didn’t count anything. That’s growth.
I journaled. I cried. Then I danced in my room to a song I haven’t listened to since 6th grade.
July 8, 2024
I felt strong today. Not “fit,” not “skinny”, strong. I helped move furniture with my dad. My arms ached after and I liked it. I liked being able to do something with my body instead of trying to shrink it.
That’s a kind of confidence I never expected.
November 2, 2024
Someone made a comment about my body that they probably thought was a compliment. It didn’t feel like one.
I didn’t smile to make them comfortable. I said, “Let’s not talk about bodies.” Then I changed the subject.
That was new for me. That was bold.
May 1, 2025
Bad body image day. No specific reason. Just woke up feeling “off.”
I did what I’ve learned to do: I didn’t try to fix my body. I fixed my space. I cleaned my room. Took a shower. Made a meal I liked. Wrote this entry.
Sometimes the win is not spiraling.