My Story

My name is Zeynep, and I’m a student deeply interested in neuroscience—specifically, how and why the brain sometimes turns against the body.

I didn’t come to this field through a textbook or a class. I came to it because I went through something I didn’t understand—something that took over quietly and didn’t let go. For a long time, I struggled with disordered eating. What started as small habits turned into something serious, and it took me a while to see it for what it really was.

I wasn’t looking for a diagnosis—I was looking for an explanation. Why did it feel rewarding to ignore hunger? Why did control feel safer than comfort? Why did my brain keep reinforcing something that was clearly hurting me?

The more I learned, the more it made sense. That understanding didn’t just help me recover—it shaped what I care about and what I want to study. I’ve shadowed neurosurgeons, volunteered in trauma and neuro units, and worked in research. Not just to help, but to observe. To understand. To get as close as possible to the moments when the brain starts to unravel and how it can be brought back.

This site is part of that path. I built it for anyone who’s looking for clarity in the middle of confusion, or just wants to understand the science beneath the surface.

I’m hoping to spend my life studying the brain. This is where I’m starting.

7th Grade Moved from Turkey. Felt out of place.
8th Grade More people starting commenting on my appearance
9th Grade Started skipping lunch. It felt like something I could control.
10th Grade Got praised for it. Got dizzy. Didn’t care.
11th Grade Started asking better questions.
Now Doing my best to understand the Brain, still asking.

                   Me Then                      vs.                        Me Now

Things I Noticed

 

  • Hunger stopped feeling like discomfort and started feeling like achievement.

  • I stopped eating with my family and no one said anything for weeks.

  • I knew exactly how many almonds were in the pantry.

  • I liked the feeling of being too tired to think.

  • The compliments felt worse than the concern.

 

 

What I Googled

 

  • “how long can someone go without eating”

  • “dopamine starvation anorexia”

  • “am i sick or disciplined”

  • “neuroscience reward fasting”

  • “how to make your brain like food again”


 

Recovery

  • I don’t track what I eat anymore. I track what I think.

  • I eat with people again—and I don’t plan for it.

  • I don’t feel proud of being hungry. I feel suspicious of it.

  • I still catch the old thought patterns sometimes—but I know what they are now.

  • I don’t need to explain my story to feel in control of it.

  • I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be present.

Research

 

  • I keep a list of brain structures I want to understand better. It’s long.

  • I’ve read studies about dopamine so many times I started writing summaries for myself.

  • When I’m shadowing in hospitals, I pay attention to tone, posture, pacing—patterns, not just symptoms.

  • I volunteered in trauma and neuro units to get as close as I could to the messy moments where science meets experience.

  • I started noticing the overlap between disordered behavior and neurological misfiring—and it still keeps me up at night (in a good way).

  • I want to study the brain because I’ve seen what it can do, and what it can undo.